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Saturday, 16 February 2013

Top 10 Guilty Secrets

Everyone has a few musical guilty secrets hidden away in their playlists and at Into the Valley we are no different. I have a playlist on my YouTube account called 'Retro' that serves as a stockpile of old songs I know I shouldn't like. I kid myself that these are there for posterity and for my chronically underdeveloped sense of nostalgia. Here we present my current top 10 cheesy, unfashionable and forgotten tracks. Enjoy as much as you can!

10.  Sixpence the Richer - Kiss Me

What the Hell is this? It combines virtually every element that I don't like, but somehow manages to beguile me with its sugary sweet little chorus. Was this ever in the hit parade because I can't remember it? Maybe it's the camera angle, but I'm sure the lead singer has a Max Batu style googly eye going on, and that can only be a good thing. It basically trebles her attractiveness.

9. The Firm - Arthur Daley...E's Alright

If you ever liked Minder you can't help yourself but like this song. I have a sneaky suspicion that Chas and Dave might be involved somewhere along the line, but in this case we'll forgive them for their other crimes against music. Possibly in my top ten favourite lyrics of all time.

8. Fuzzbox - Rules and Regulations

It started so well for Fuzzbox and ended so terribly in the commercial disaster that was (ironically) 'International Rescue'. But in the beginning there was 'Rules and Regulations,' sounding like a cross between the Shop Assistants and Dr. and the Medics and looking like every alternative female student on Teesside circa 1986. I can't see how anyone can possibly dislike it.

7. Gotye - Somebody that I used to Know

I honestly thought I stumbled onto a hidden gem when I first heard this. It wasn't until Daughter of Doccortex put me straight that I realised it was a multi-million selling, platinum mega smash hit that literally everyone in the whole world had heard other than me (and possiblt Evlkeith). Only Lady Gaga has more hits on Youtube, but without Top of the Pops how are us middle aged guys supposed to keep up with current trends?

How well has Kimbra done though? Since her mention in the League of Quirky Female Singers she's gone from strength to strength. Surely she owes us an interview? At least.

6. Altered Images - I Could be Happy

It may be a slight sweeping statement, but all middle aged men have got a bit of a thing for Claire Grogan. When I was sixteen she was the perfect embodiment of womanhood. She was attractive, skippy, confident, bouncy and always happy, and I honestly thought that's what all women were like. I had visions of a Claire Grogan look-a-like skipping downstairs in a morning to make my porridge and fold my newspaper correctly. Twenty-nine years of real life experience, including seventeen years of marriage, have basically pummelled this utopian fantasy into non-existence, especially the bit about always being happy, let alone the porridge.

5. Florence and the Machine - Drumming Song

This story basically illustrates how shallow and fickle I am. When Evlkeith introduced me to this song in his Festive Fifty last year, I thought it was rubbish. I thought Florence was rubbish and so was her machine and I decided to avoid her music like the plague. Then lo and behold I see her on the telly and she's ginger! She's one of us!

And now I think she's the greatest thing since sliced bread and I have a sneaky listen to this song almost everyday.  She's one hell of a mover too.

4. Melanie C - I Turn to You

Another one of Evlkeith's cohorts that I've never engaged with, but I love this song for some reason. Again it contains everything I don't like, even jeans! I should really detest it, but I feel strangely drawn to her ability to keep releasing records in the face of only two people actually listening to them; respect due. And she's not even ginger.

3. Bacarra - Yeas Sir I Can Boogie

I love everything about this song and video. From the opening big voiced introduction to the puzzling fact that one of Baccara has aged whilst the other has been sipping at the fountain of youth. Great song, great lyrics and great dancers. And they were in Eurovision once.

2. The Dooleys - Wanted

Like your favourite two aunties at a Christmas party, the Dooleys belt it out with an enthusiam that could only be born in the seventies. It's a classic and if only pop music had followed their example there'd be no Madonna, Lady Gaga or Christina Aguilera and instead nice sensible women in frocks singing  Abba-esque duets. If only...

1. Coast to Coast - Do the Hucklebuck

No surprises here really. It's the premium guilty pleasure. It's got it's own dance for starters, a bonkers singer, a sax solo, a fez and tight lycra pants. What really amazes me is how much I enjoy it every time I watch it, which is a lot. Needless to say they are my favourite backing dancer/singers ever. Even better than Pepsi and Shirlie and that guy in chains with Howard Jones.

1 comment:

  1. What can you say...

    The Dooleys are just worrying, especially the band with their simultaneous movements.

    The Fuzzbox one is still really good as is the Mel C pop tune.

    Boogie woogie. When I go to hell I think that this song will be on endless repeat.

    Funnily enough I'd never heard the Goyte track. And it's terrible.

    On a more positive note one of the faces that just scrolled past on your advert nearly made me balk. They should definitely select more carefully.