It's been a long year at Into the Valley... with literally hundreds of reviews. To celebrate a year of the premier obscure music blog, I've re-read the whole thing and picked the quotes that effectively summarise our output and tell you everything you need to know about our editorial stance. For regular readers; can you spot who said each quote and which post it relates to? Check out the parallel article at Obscurendure.
"The Garrats look like the kind of family that I'd like to be adopted by and join in with their wholesome sing-a-longs."
"There was a time when I fancied myself as a bit of a marine boy; living underwater, impressing mermaids and chucking that boomerang thing at baddies. Come to think of it, it still has a lot of appeal now."
"They are Middlesbrough, Sunderland, Hartlepool and Newcastle all rolled into one and will simultaneously give you a good kicking, slap you on the back and push a meat pie into your face."
"Tina Karol has a sexy accent as thick as condensed treacle, the obligatory short skirt and boots ensemble, a group of skipping Kosak style dancers and one hell of a fine pair of lungs on her."
"I didn't know if he was black or white, came from New York or Pontefract, but I knew that in spirit he was Northern, working class and came from Doncaster."
"The question has to be asked; if God didn't, who actually did make Honky Tonk Angels? What is a Honky Tonk Angel anyway?"
"It's a proven fact that all groups that sound like the Clash are rubbish, and that includes the Clash themselves."
"The only thing spoiling it is that all women called Christine now work as slightly cranky school secretaries and are not the sirens of seduction they once were."
"It's like having your brain gently massaged by elves"
"Most of them sound like they could do with a nutricious meal, some vitamin pills, a good wash and a thorough checking over at the local STD clinic, but perhaps I'm being a little unfair."
"The rest of the album meanwhile, is PJ giving us the standard-issue dirge with not a hint of positivity, apart from the warm feeling you get when the whole thing ends."
"I'd personally replace the mumbling guy on lead vocals with Karl Denver, stick the two women out the B52's on backing vocals, get Bez to be the dancer and sprinkle the whole group with magic charisma dust. And that still may not be enough to make them interesting."
"Ginger is good in any context, but in an attractive, Scandinavian witch it is even better."
"I now have to consider the unpleasant truth that I may have a beard fixation."
"If one came on when you were doing your shopping in Aldi, you’d be well happy. You may even do a little jaunty dance."
"Natasha Kahn could rename the band 'Old Bat for Lashes' and replace herself with a witch on lead vocals. The singer from Rachel Unthank would be ideal, or so my Gran says, obviously in a fancy dress witch costume."
"The Leeds festival was like some grim, vast, sprawling refugee camp that is best described as a cross between the camps featured in Children of Men and District 9, but inhabited entirely by students."
"Shake it together in the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland's hat and decorate with copious amounts of jazz hands. Delicious!"
"You've really got to be in the right kind of mood to enjoy this, but interesting and different nonetheless. Or rubbish, depending on your perspective."
"Screamo benefits from variety and the contrasting screamy voices give it some slight differences in tone: man on his own, lady on her own and (don’t get giddy now) man and lady together."
"It's undoubtedly premier league quirkiness as Joanna scores highly in virtually every category with her look of a slightly evil 'gelfling' from the Dark Crystal (check it out film fans), going down particularly well with the judges."
"A word of warning though - I put this on a CD followed by a Lolishit album and listened to it in the car. It drove me mad. You can OD on chiptune."
